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Viewing 1 - 6 out of 6 Blogs.
Well today I attended the funeral of a dear friend from my child hood and seen a lot of people whom I have not seen in 20 yrs or more. I previously wrote a blog on her untimely death and the impact this news had on me personnaly. It was a nice memorial service as it could not be an open casket funeral. She had to be cremated. I explained to everyone how she was a stripper for sometime. I did not expect the turnout that showed up. I recon their were over 100 people there easily. I have never seen so many strippers in one place at a time in my entire life. They were all there to show ther respect and I thought a lot of this. They all lined up single file and each one carried a yellow rose. As they walked down the isle at the funeral home I found it hard to choke back the tears. They were there to show there respects and done so gracefully. I think about their profession and think it is demeaning for a woman to take off their clothes for money but they think of it as only a job. I really did not expect to feel the way I felt when I arrived there. It was a lot harder to say goodbye than I had imagined. As I set there and the music played my mind started going over all the goodtimes we had together as a child. I went over all the nights I spent with her as a youth and as we grew older together the feelings that I developed for her. She was my first love and I will not soon forget her. I was setting there and I expected it as her mother started telling the story to everyone of how I once saved Luisa's life as a child. It made me feel a little uncomfortable as usuall. But as she talked and people listened I felt a feeling I could not control. I BROKE DOWN RIGHT THERE and I let everything go and I cried like I have not cried in a long time. I was not the only man in there crying and I am glad of this..I wish I could have lead her in a better direction and then maybe things would not have turned out the way they did. Then again maybe this was destiny and meant to be. I set and talked with her mother and daughter for sometime after the funeral and was pleased with how things went. It was a lovely service and I was really pleased with the respect that was shown for her and her memory!!! If you are reading this Luisa....GOD BLESS YOU AND KEEP YOU SAFE AND WARM!!! I LOVE YOU AND WILL MISS YOU BABY GIRL!!! Your Friend: Boone
Tags: Life
I am setting here and going over and over in my mind all the things I have to be thankful for. I am thankful for a lot of things but I am sad at the same time. Sad because I have no one to share my life with. I have been talking and listening to my friends on here and my friends at the house and I will have to say the one thing I am really thankful for right now is the fact that I don't have to worry about money. I have a good job and I am an extremely hard worker and make good money. Now that I have said that I will say this, IT MEANS VERY LITTLE IF I DONT HAVE SOMEONE TO SHARE IT WITH!!!! I have a bunch of friends and all they do is complain about how broke they are. OH I am so broke. I will tell them they are extremely lucky, They have a family to go home too. When they decide they are finished drinking at the local pub anyways!!! They will complain more about how I don't want this problem I am lucky to be single!!!! THAT IS A SLAP IN THE FACE TO ME!!!! I would trade every penny I have and all my worldly possesions for the love of a good woman. For one thing they don't manage what money they have and prioritize what they spend their money on. I am not going to make the men mad here and say a man should give up everything that makes him happy. But in my mind a man should be a man and want to do his duties and well for the lady in his life. I get so much pleasure from just seeing the look in my ladies eyes when I do something simple like by her some flowers!!! I am going to put my head on the chopping block here for a minute and share an experiance I had. One of the mistakes I made in my last relationship was I was too eager to do these things for the lady in my life. She has a mild case of Cerebral Palsey and gets tired easly. I ask her to take it easy at work and she says her work doesnt make her tired. She doesnt even realize work makes everyone tired. We were to be married this August and I told her... Sweety why don't you just quit work when we get married. I make more than enough to support us both and well. She has been raised her whole life to be independant and she took offense to this and said I was trying to control her. I told her if you like working keep working. I will suport whatever you want to do. If working makes you happy then stay at it. I then told her I could see how tired she was at the end of the day and I did not like to see this that I could do this for the two of us. In my mind I was giving her the freeedom to chose. I told her .. Let me do the work. Do what ever you want. Run with your friends. Stay in bed till noon if that pleases you. You wont have to ask me for money. She wouldn't do this so I had her added to my account so she wouldnt have to ask. She could just get what ever she wanted and not even ask. I told her to do what makes her happy. Making her happy pleased me greatly and she told me she was happy. Now this is the biggest reason for her leaving me. She says I was trying to control her. I dont understand how you can get control out of what I was offering her. In my mind it was giving her the freedom to come and go as she pleased if she wanted to or to sleep till her heart was content!!! I have always had the theory and thoughts in my mind that a lady should not have to work. NOT THAT SHE IS NOT JUST AS CAPABLE AS A MAN TO DO THIS. I want to make that clear. Women are just as good at working as men if not better. I am not a shovinist or anything like that. I just didnt like watcing her labor. It made me sad to see her so tired. I love her and wanted to give her everything. Thats why when I see my friends who have all this and all they do is complain it hurts me deep inside. They just dont realize how lucky they truly are!!!!! I would go to sleep eating nothing but bologna sandwiches and beanie weenies and be happy as long as I could lay my head down next to my ladies and hear her tell me she loved me and was happy with all I have done for her. Thats all I have dreamed about my entire adult life was having someone to love,someone to hold and to take care of and the lady I just had in my life said she was going to give this to me. The night before she left me she stood in her front yard and kissed me goodnight telling me she loved me and promissed me she would never leave me, Only to call me on the phone the next day saying it wasn't going to work!!! I look around me at couples as they go by and most of the time the man is angry and screaming at the top of his lungs about money or something else that just doesn't make since at all. How can a man have all this and still be unhappy. That is why in my blog (The right place at the right time ) I had to turn and walk away. I did so because I didn't want her to see the tears in my eyes and have to explain to her why.. She had a man setting next to her and that little angel in the back seat and he could care less about the tears of the mother and daughter and the fear in the little one. It took everything I had to not jerk him up by the coller and set him straight on what had just happened and what he needed to do.. This would have been pointless and caused more grief for that mother and child so I just swallowed my anger at him and helped them. I did not do this for him. I did it for that mother and child. I will stop ranting and venting now before I anger someone with my beliefs. I just believe a man should be a man. I sometimes wonder if I am a man at all the way I cried when my lady left me.. Men are not sussposed to do this!! Sincerely: Lost & Confused
Tags: Life
I would like to share a personnal story with everyone here at Truckers Spaces. I have been going through a lot in the past 2 months and just recently found out a good friend of mine from my child hood has been killed in a accident involving a train. I was told it was suicide but can not be sure of this till the outcome of the investigation. I will only call this person by first name. Her name was Luisa. We were raised together from childhood and went our ways only to come back together later in our teens. When we were reunited it was really nice as I liked her a lot. Accually she was my first love. I remember the day I saved her life. I never talked about this unless she or her mother brought it up as it bothered me. It accually scared me so bad that I just did what I feel like anyone in this circumstance would have done. We were around 14 or 15 and we went to this swimming place on dog river and there was a bunch of us there. We were all laughing and having a good time when one of my other friends named Marcus thought it would be funny to push her off the pier. It didn't go that way. When he pushed her she lost balance and her foot fell in between the pier planks and she fell forward breaking her leg by bending it backwards. This was etremely painful to even look at but she ended up hanging head first submerged half under the water drowning. I on impulse jumped in and pushed her back up onto the pier and tried to make her comfortable. This was not working and we were a long ways from home. I remember no one else offered to help and I was happy to carry her around 4 miles back to the house to get her help. Everytime I would run into her she would talk about this but I shied away from the conversation. I was afraid of losing her that day and it scared me to death. We grew older and grew apart in some ways but I would always keep a check on her to see how she was. She would choose the wrong guy time and time again and in the end it lead her down the wrong road. She went into stripping for a living and got into drugs where she later contracted Hepetitus C as I just recently found out. This is playing on my mind right now as I struggle to understand how a lady would want a man to not be nice and have her in the end choose the bad guy. I just talked to her mother and she was the one who revealed her medical problems to me and I was just shocked. She told me then that everytime my name would come up it was always the subject of how I saved her life. I had my fiance with me at the time when I found these things out and I told her mother if I could save her life again I would. We all make wrong decisions but this was a costly one for her and I just don't understand. Why do women choose the bad guy over the good. I asked her mother if she fealt Luisa would have turned out differant if we had gotten together and married and she just smiled at me and acknowleged to me what I had known all along. Would this have changed the outcome of either one of our lives. I DON'T KNOW!!! I am just left to wonder and ask questions. I am in Lavergne , Tn and have told my company they need to bring me home so I can atend the funeral of someone who I loved dearly who made wrong choices. I still love her regardless of what she did with her life. Thats what I call unconditional love. When I give my heart I give it unconditionally and it costs me a lot when I do this because not everyone does this as I have recently found out. Thanks for listening and drop me a line and let me know your feelings on this one. All comments are welcome. Lost & Confused
Tags: Life
I just wanted to share a little more about myself to all my new friends out her at Truckers Spaces. I have been driving for all of my adult life and have pretty much struggled with my weight most of my life. Well about 4 yrs ago I was having troubles staying awake at the wheel. I was comming into Charlotte, NC and fell asleep at the wheel. I almost hit about 5 cars stopped at a light. I didn't hit any and safely hit the shoulder but this was my wake up call and I pulled myself off the road and went home. It took almost a week to get an appointment with my family doctor and the day I went in I was showed to the examination room. I did what I felt at the time was taking a nap. I awoke 3 days later to find myself in the I.C.U at our local Hospital. I still remember the look on the Doctor's face when he looked me in the eyes and asked me if I knew how close I had just came to dying. I didn't speak and he said something that put a fire under me. He looked at me and said if you don't lose a lot of weight and fast you won't make it another year at the most. I had went to do what I thought was find out why I couldn't stay awake and in the clinic I went into Congestive Heart Failure & Respiratory Failure. It was in November of 2005 that I had my Gastric Bypass Surgery in Middletown, OH and to this day I have lost a total of 285 pounds. I still have more to go and have one more surgery to remove all the excess skin thats accumualted. I have never been married and have never had any children and have always wished I could meet someone and settle down. Well I did. I met a young lady on yahoo personnals and she stole my heart. She has her difficulties and it did not matter to me because she stole my heart and I love her unconditionally. She has a mild case of Cerebral Palsey. She walks with a slight limp and her left hand is a little smaller than her right. This did not faze me in the least and she was and still is the most beautiful sight my eyes have ever held. God how I love her and miss her. She has lived with her parents her whole life and they both told me she had a extremely hard time dealing with her emotions and sharing her feelings and needs. I went forward with dating her and after about 6 months knew she was everything I was looking for and more. I drove almost 1100 miles non stop to meet the jeweler on a saturday to buy the engagement set that I had intended to gie her on Christmas and could not wait. We had went out to eat and I had the rings in my pocket and went by the yard to crank my truck and let it run as I had my fridge going because I was headed back out that evening. We were setting there in the parking lot and I looked over and she smiled at me and asked what was on my mind. I said you know I love you? She replied yes I know. I told her you know I want to marry you. She replied yes after a few minutes. At that point I had a urge that I could stand no more and I asked her what would you say if right now I asked you to marry me? I said hypothetically what would you say? She had a blank look that came over her and was lost for words. I couldn't wait no more and reached into my pocket and pulled out the rings and I broke down right there and with tears in my eyes I told her I love you and can't live another day without knowing if you will marry me. I said I love you and will you please marry me. She said yes and then I really lost it. That was and is still the happiest moment in my life. She set the date at August 9th of this yr and I was Happy. I didnt think things would end like they did because she always led me to believe she was happy and things were good for us. We never even had a argument. She went dress shoping one day with her friends and I picked her up later and we went out to eat. Things wer great but I knew something was bothering her. I always told her im not perfect but if you just tell me when something is wrong I will fix it and wont do this again. She said nothing was wrong she was just tired. I took her home and she was quiet the whole time. As I was kissing her good night I asked her again what was wrong and she said she was tired. I said Please tell me whats bothering you and she insisted nothing was the matter. I told her then, I feel like you are mad at me and are going to leave me. She grabbed me and said I love you and will never leave you. Gave me a big ole kiss and hugged me and held me and sent me home thinking that maybe she was just tired. The next day after work she called me and said I don't think its going to work!!! She refused to speak to me or even explain this to me. Just that it's not working anymore. There was silence for over a month and finally she spoke to me and I asked her why she would do this and she said I dont know. Her mother had told me this but I never seen this one comming. I got to see her maybe 2 times a week because of my job but she felt crowded because this was her first serious relationship and she didnt know how to handle the feelings she was feeling. So instead of trusting me with her feelings and needs and trying to communicate this she gave up on me and herself. I have recently found out she and all her friends think I am to nice for my own good as I spoiled her while we were together. I wont get into this accept to say I loved her and wanted to spoil her and she said she enjoyed this. I am hurting so bad right now I just want to crawl into a corner and die. Ihave never hurt this bad and I am struggling just to go on day by day. I know everyone has noticed I enjoy taking pictures. This is the only thing that I have found that takes my mind off of her in any way at all. When I put that camera in my hand and screw on the telephoto lense and I see something in the distance I know it is a moment in time that I have to capture and I want to give it my very best. I will be posting more pictures every day and more blogs talking about my feelings and the things I am going through. I am setting in a rest area right now on I 30 just west of Texarkana, Tx and I am heading to Lavergne, TN. ( Nashville ). I loaded this load in Heber, Ca on Saturday about lunch time and havent stopped much at all. It is 4:53 in the morning and as if I am not rushed for time I felt the need to share this with everyone out here at Truckers Spaces. I need to get a life I guess!!! I just cant find the strength to do this right now and I am struggling and hanging on by a thread..... Sincerely: Lost & Confused 
Tags: Life
The right place at The right time- i 10 Orange, TX 4-21--08 11:30 PM I have always enjoyed being kind to others but have recently been told that im too nice for my own good. I told myself I would no longer go out of my way to help others and be kind but the tears of a mother and her 3 yr old daughter were more than I could stand!!! I was headed east on interstate 10 in Orange, TX around 11:30 pm last night when I heard a fellow driver yell on the radio a pickup had just run into a ditch. I got to where the truck was and pulled to the shoulder about 1/4 mile ahead of it. There was no where else to park in this construction zone. I made my way back to the vehicle to see if I could assist in anyway when I saw a young couple really down on their luck. She was probably in her late teens and im going to call a spade a spade. Her boyfriend looked like he was around 27 or so but was obviously a dead beat!! She was very unhappy with this young man and I didn't pry. He advised me he had a flat and had run off the road. Well being a mechanic I inspected the vehicle and said no you have 2 flats and it was obvious why. He had no doubt been drinking and hit the construction wall and blew out both tires and rims on the passenger side. I asked where they were headed knowing half hearted the story I was about to hear. The girl began crying and said Tampa, FL. I looked in the bed of the truck and sure enough their was every possession they owned under a blue tarp. I tried to tell myself this is not your problem you have 400 more miles to go now get going when the cutest 3 yr old girl popped her head up from the back seat with big crocodile tears crying mommy im scared!!! I will call him the dead beat once again as he offered no solice or care to this child as he puffed away on his cigarette oblivious to this child and mothers needs. I could stand it no more and asked what she wanted to do. She said she didnt know that she had no spare and just enough to get where they were going. She advised me she had a granny in louisianna that had a tire she could have. I called her a wrecker and she begun to cry and asked how much this would be and I advised her not to worry about this right now lets get a wrecker and get her and her child somewhere safer. At this point I had to break a promise I made to no longer do nice things for others and stop being too nice for my own good. The young lady and child were both balling at this time so I MADE IT MY PROBLEM. I told her the wrecker would be their shortly but I needed to move my rig. I opened my heart 1 last time and opened my wallet for that mother and child and pulled out 200 dollars and handed it to 2 souls in need.... turned around and walked away. That dead beat had my dreams in his lap and could care less!!! A family!!!. This was meant to be for me to pass by here but I am hurting even more now than before. How can someone be too nice for their own good. I have never found it so hard to try and not do the right thing before in all my life!!!! If someone with a real answer would try and help me understand this I would be eternally gratefull.. Sincerely: Lost & Confused!!!
I am setting here going over in my mind about what is right and what is wrong. That sounds like an easy question to figure out doesn't it. Or is it? I have always tried to live my life and treat people the way I wanted to be treated. I also take into account that goodness is also sussposed to prevail over evil. I have come to the conclusion that goodness and niceness is not at all what people really want. They may say they do. But they really don't. I am just dumb founded by this new revelation. I have recently been told that I am too good or too nice for my own good. I am struggling to figure this one out. How can someone be too good or too nice? I was under the impression that this is what people were after. Someone to be nice to them. Someone to treat them with respect. Why don't people just come out and say what they really mean? I have come to only one conclusion. They don't really want a nice guy. They want someone who is going to treat them bad. Is there any other answer than this? I don't think so. The old saying that nice guys finish last is starting to ring true right about now. LOL. I am at a point in my life where I am going to start giving people just what they want. I get tired of a lot of things in this life. What is it about the bad guy that is so appealing? I guess I will have to try and understand this one as I go along. I know that if this is what people really want I can give it to them in great quantities. How do you do something that goes against everything you have ever felt was right? When I do something nice and I do it a lot. Too much I have been told. I get this feeling that is over whelming, and it is good. But in the end I still come out holding the short end of the stick and I am getting extremely tired of this. I am so frustrated right now. I have tried to reach out and talk about this with friends but ...... Lets talk about this while I just hit the subject of friends. Lets talk about true friends. If we all set and think about it we can probably all count our true friends on one hand and have some fingers left when we are done counting. If you are honest with yourself this will be the outcome. This is something else I don't understand. When I say something I mean it. Not every body does though. When I tell someone I am their friend and I will be there for them I will. When I make a promise I keep it. Not every body does this either. I was recently told that people make and break promises all the time and they can do this if they like. THIS IS JUST NOT HOW IT IS MEANT TO BE!!!! I have always believed and will till the day I die when you make a promise you keep it. I have been reaching out to some of my so called friends and few of them are still willing to try and help me trough this point in my life. Try and help me understand. This is ok. I have crossed that point to where I no longer care anymore. I never thought I would say that but I don't care anymore. I have made up my mind up that if someone wants to ask me how things are going and we stike on the conversation and I feel they are genuinly concerned I will open up to them and see if they can help or comfort me in any way. If not then I will keep dealing with this the way I have in the past and just put it in the old bottle and put a lid on it. I know the outcome to this one too. It is eventually going to get so full that it will explode and I will just have to make sure no one else gets hurt when this happens. I guess you could say this is kinda of a out with the old and in with the new thing here. Giving everyone what they say they are after. Even family cant be depended on anymore. I have some family I have tried to keep in contact with and it seems like everyone is out for themselfs. WHY IS EVERYONE SO SELF ABSORBED???????? I have never understood this either but I am about to do what everyone says I should do. STOP BEING SO NICE. YOU ARE TO NICE FOR YOUR OWN GOOD. YOU ARE GOING TO DESERVE WHAT YOU GET!!! This is what was recently revealed to me. If this is what people want!!! This is what they will get!!!! I don't know what the outcome will be but I can imagine!! I don't care anymore though. I have recently lost everything that meant anything to me at all. I have been told in differant ways that it is because I am too nice for my own good. I did what I was told was needed and wanted and desired and it cost me for the last time!!! IT COST TOO MUCH THIS TIME. THE PRICE WAS TOO HIGH. I lost the most important!!!!!! I will leave it at this. I just wish people would say what they mean and mean what they say!!!!! I did what I was told was liked and it cost me for the last time!!!!! Lets see how this goes and stay tuned for more after this commercial!!! Same Bat Time!!! Same Bat Channel!!! LOLOLOLOL P.S For all the parties involved here I hold no anger towards anyone and have no problems with anyone. But this part of my life is over and I will not turn back now!!!! This is a promise!! And we all know I strive to keep my promises!! This was bound to happen anyway you look at it,,, and well it's done!!!!
Tags: Dating
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